Life is pretty good for you. The conflicts that arise are not particularly big or distressing. You have a stable life, steady job, good friends, and a sense of purpose. But you know that there is more and you want to work on deepening your connection to your life, your job, your friends and family, and your larger purpose.
Great! You get that you are not finished with your own personal, relational, and spiritual development. So let’s take a quick look at how development happens.
There are stages that we move through as we develop. This is true no matter what sort of development we are seeking. We develop physically, intellectually, ethically, and so on. We seek to be more fully actualized, that is, to more fully live into the highest potential for who we can be. So we want to look at how we move from one stage to the next higher one.
What we discover is that we don’t develop because we are happy where we are. We develop because the stage from which we are operating at the moment is in some sense no longer working for us. Transformation is the very difficult and often painful shift from where we have been to where we might be. It is a kind of death of an old way of being into a new way that we cannot yet fully see. It is an act of faith.
When we are deeply aware of the development of our potential as we grow we notice that, from time to time, we are presented with opportunities for growth. These are seldom welcome even as we recognize that they are necessary. A client of mine once taught me that these are called afgo’s. A, F, G, O, stands for Another F..ing Growth Opportunity.
JustConflict (Creative Conflict Resolution) gives us a framework for finding and addressing these opportunities.
The realm in which we have the greatest power for transformation is in the interior or intrapersonal. The only person I can effectively change is myself. By discovering how I am constructing my own awareness and how that awareness informs and enlivens the choices I make I become able to see and live into new ways of being that are more and more effective at creating what I and those around me need.
But it is really hard to see ourselves without a mirror. I don’t even know who I am without someone to reflect back to me how I am arising. So getting a place to start my interior journey, finding a trailhead, depends on having relationships in which I can begin to see my own cognitive distortions.
You don’t have relationships which are conflict free. If you think you do, you either don’t have much intimacy in your relationships, or you are so skilled at conflict resolution that you resolve them even before you become aware of them. If the latter is the case, then get to work on your book.
But if you want to go deeper into your life and discover more of your potential, then JustConflict can help. We start by choosing one thing to work on. We start with a Persistent Pattern of Conflict in a Significant Relationship.
If the brief explanation above of why resolving conflict creates transformation interests you and you want to go deeper into the theory then go to Transformation through Resolution and follow the thread from there.
But if you just want to get to work, go to New Ways of Being and follow from there.