In the context of this relationship, are their times when the two of you get into arguments that feel in significant ways as though you are having the same fight over and over? That is:
- Do you address the same issues or topics repeatedly without resolution?
- Do you each try to show the other how they are wrong or bad?
- Are you both unhappy with the outcome?
- Are you each willing to look at what this pattern is doing and try to find a better way to build your relationship?
Then we suggest you start with the module of Taking a Time-Out. You may find that the two of you are in such conflict that you can’t do this. But if you able to work together, the discipline of doing the Time Out will create a sense of safety and support that will free up energy.
If you can do the Time Out together follow the sequence from there. If you can’t, come back here for a slightly different sequence.
In order to understand the theory for this work, you may want to work through the module on Fighting without Fighting. If you don’t need to know why you are doing the exercises, you may go straight to New Ways of Being.
Once you have found the New Way of Being for you you may be ready to go back to the Time Out and try it again. The clarity that the New Way of Being will give you may ground you enough that you can address issues with your partner without fighting.