In general it will work best to move through the modules in the order below. But this is not a linear process so feel free to bounce around and follow whatever is most compelling for you in the moment. You can use links and navigation to find your way around.

Module 1: Fighting without Fighting

What is a conflict?
Why are some conflicts so complicated?
What makes them so intense?
What would it mean to resolve a conflict?
What I am doing doesn’t work!

Module 2: Connecting with Our Selves

Focus, locus, and lens
Feelings: STEW
The Five Bad Feelings
Why we don’t pay attention to our feelings
Disciplines for building our awareness of our Selves [Mindfulness]

Module 3: Embracing a New Way of Being

One bite: selecting a persistent pattern of conflict in a significant relationship

  • Arising: Approaching Consensual reality
  • Arousing: Discovering our default response
  • Yearning: Knowing what we need

A new way of being that creates what I need in the context of the relationship in which the need is not met

  • Acting with integrity:
  • What might I have done the last time this PPC arose?
  • How will I recognize next time?
  • What will I do in the meantime?
  • Observing what stops me from acting and acting on the barrier

Module 4: Building an Agreement

What is the structure of the relationship?
How do we come to an understanding?
What is a durable agreement?

Module Five: Transformation through Resolution

Change, Growth, Transformation
State and Stages
Levels and Lines
Subject and Object
Perspectives: Focus, Locus, and Lens
Transformational Maps
Orders of Self

  • Locus of control
  • Realms of reality
  • Already and not-yet
  • Ego and Soul: Distal and Proximal Self
  • Dualistic and Unitive Consciousness

Tools for transformation
Supporting the transformation of another

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